Family Fun/Family Fun.iso/joke1/jokes_j/jokes.12

Internet Message Format | 1992-01-07 | 8KB

From [e-mail] Mon Jul  3 18:30:03 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail] (Ilana Stern)
Subject: What's in a name?
Keywords: true, chuckle
Date: 3 Jul 89 23:30:03 GMT

(From Time Magazine, 19 June 1989 (therefore presumably true):)

No international laws govern the christening of countries;  the label
that sticks is determined by the tastes or even the sanity of its
rulers.  Anti-colonialism, however, is the most common rationale for
national renaming.

Filipinos have long bristled at the colonialistic implications of calling
their country the Philippines, in honor of Philip II of Spain.  During
the regime of Ferdinand Marcos, there was a campaign to rename the
country "Maharlika", a native word meaning noble and aristocratic.

Plans for the rechristening proceeded apace until an academic pointed out
that the word was probably derived from Sanskrit.

Fine, its proponents said, Sanskrit is a non-imperialist language.

Yes, replied the scholar, but "Maharlika" was most likely derived from the
words "maha lingam," meaning "great phallus."

That was the end of the campaign.

--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Remember: If you POST your joke instead of mailing it, I will not reply.


From [e-mail] Tue Jul  4 05:30:06 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail] (Frederick Wamsley)
Subject: What is Socialism?
Keywords: chuckle
Date: 4 Jul 89 10:30:06 GMT

The Poles say it's the longest and most painful
of the roads to capitalism.

[quoted by Michael Novak in Forbes]

--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

If you MUST reply to a rejection, include a description of your joke
because there is 0 chance I will remember which one it was.


From [e-mail] Thu Jul  6 02:20:06 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail] (Laurel Falces)
Subject: Pete Rose
Keywords: topical, chuckle
Date: 6 Jul 89 07:20:06 GMT


(From David Letterman's show of Tuesday 6-27-89, and transcribed from the
USA Today issue of 6-28-89...)

TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO SUSPEND PETE ROSE FROM BASEBALL

10. Really young gamblers need a role model.

9.  Ten million Pete Rose wigs already shipped to Hall of Fame gift shop.

8.  If suspended, might reveal identity of San Diego Chicken.

7.  He kept his promise to kid in hospital: "I'm putting 50 bucks on
today's game for you, son."

6.  Might go play baseball in Japan and develop comercially viable
superconductor during the offseason, which would increase Japan's
ever-widening economic supremacy over the United States.

5. He bet five grand they would suspend him and will make 50 grand at
10-to-1 odds.

4.  No casino greeter jobs currently open.

3.  Baseball needs professional wrestling pizzazz of being fixed.

2.  How can you suspend Off Track Betting's "Man of the Year"?

1.  Betting slips, fingerprints, handwriting, telephone records, sworn
depositions -- Come on!  Let's have some REAL proof!
--
John Franjione

--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to [e-mail]


From [e-mail] Thu Jul  6 05:30:04 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail] (Richard Clark)
Subject: Surgeon General
Keywords: chuckle, sexual
Date: 6 Jul 89 10:30:04 GMT


 From Mark Russel's recent special --

  "Did you know, that just a few years ago, C Everett Koop was a
  `3-pack a day' man?   That's a lot of condoms!"

--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to [e-mail]


From [e-mail] Thu Jul  6 18:30:04 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail]
Subject: Comments on the future evolution of languages.
Keywords: original, smirk
Date: 6 Jul 89 23:30:04 GMT

Comments on the future evolution of languages:

There are consistent trends in the past evolution of languages, and in
all likelihood they will continue to change in the same fashion in the
future.

In 200 years, spoken French will have only one sound, a vowel.  All
consonants and gaps between words and sentences will disappear, leaving
only an extended "Eauuuuuuuuuuuu..."  Meaning will be inferred from
facial expression.  Written French will stay exactly the same.

These consonants will not be entirely forgotten; they will migrate
to Czechoslovakia, which will by that time have no use for vowels.

In 200 years, the English vocabulary will be the union of all other
vocabularies, but the spelling will be original.

Similarly, the Japanese alphabet will be the union of all other alphabets
in the world.

The Cyrillic alphabet will eventually be the same as the Latin
alphabet, only backwards.  A mirror will suffice for translating
Russian into Polish.

Finally, in 200 years, entire books in Germany will be one word.  Plus
a verb at the end, of course.
--
                Greg
                [e-mail]

--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Topical (current events) jokes should be sent to [e-mail]


From [e-mail] Fri Jul  7 02:20:04 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail] (David Goodenough)
Subject: Minimum wage
Keywords: topical, smirk
Date: 7 Jul 89 07:20:04 GMT

When questioned as to why he vetoed the minimum wage increase,
George Bush is reported to have replied:

"I didn't think Dan Quale deserved a pay rise"

[Heard on an early morning radio show in Boston (Loren & Wally in the morning,
WVBF FM 105.7 - Boston)]
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.


From [e-mail] Fri Jul  7 05:30:04 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail] (Timothy Rolfe)
Subject: Potentially offensive to economists
Keywords: smirk
Date: 7 Jul 89 10:30:04 GMT

K. M. Reese, "Newscripts", Chemical & Engineering News
(26 Jun 89), p. 64: "An economist, incidentally, is a chap who,
when asked for his social security number, gives an estimate."

--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Remember: PLEASE spell check and proofread your jokes.


From [e-mail] Sat Jul  8 02:20:05 1989
Flags: 000000000000
From: [e-mail] (Jan Steinman)
Subject: George *has* balls!
Keywords: chuckle, topical
Date: 8 Jul 89 07:20:05 GMT


Philip Agee, former CIA agent turned intelligence community watchdog and
whistle-blower, spoke in April at Reed College in Portland.  He quoted Manuel
Noriega: "I've got George Bush by the balls," and noted that the quote
was "one of those rare statements that contains *two* revelations."
--
Jan Steinman - N7JDB
Electronic Systems Laboratory
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to [e-mail]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  I will reply, mailers willing.

Remember: Always give your jokes a descriptive "Subject:" line.  Not "joke."